Hi, I’m Anda

What’s in a name? Identity.

I have gone through a transformation. I feel like a butterfly ready to spread my wings. 

My obvious change is physical. I proudly wear scars where my breasts once perched. 

I don’t know how apparent it is to others, but there is no way I can forget. 

My shoulder still does not rotate properly. Shirts I once loved now leave me itchy and sore. My back aches from correcting my posture. Lifting even a full laundry basket is beyond my ability. 

Yet... 

Instead of feeling fragile, I feel strong. I will not break. 

My journey kindled my interest in how the body moves and heals. Professionals share the power of the mind and body connection, a passionate subject of mine.

I am not physically stronger yet, but I will be. I am durable and know how to push myself. I also respect the importance of rest. 

My not-as-obvious change is emotional. I identify with words like confident and disciplined now.

The first time my therapist said I was disciplined, I thought she must have had the wrong person in mind. She laughed. The effort I put into meditation to relieve my anxiety and practice to engage my body are signs of discipline, she said. 

My cocoon got a little tighter as my transformation expanded that day. 

I always saw myself as anxious, passive and lacking self control. That caterpillar does not exist anymore. 

Now, confident, determined and disciplined are my identity. This butterfly shows her colors proudly. 

In the spirit of balancing wholeness, I can also share the mental fortitude I gained. Learning how to break my goals down into small achievable tasks so I could move forward in my work while my energy was low. This revelation changed how I structure my days and weeks. 

My spirit blazed as I ignited an urgency for life. My experiences set alight a compulsion to share my story and help others feel peace through trauma and in the everyday. 

With all of this said, I ask… What’s in a name? 

Identity. The qualities and beliefs that create the condition of being oneself. 

I like my name. Amanda, meaning “worthy of love,” is beautiful. It will remain my legal name and part of my being. 

As I move forward and create a new path, I desire a distinction between the self-effacing person I was and the trail blazer I am determined to become. 

Our power is in our choice. I choose to christen myself with a preferred name, confirming my new identity. 

Hi, I’m Anda.

Anda is a short form, a nickname, of Amanda. The last two syllables of my given name hold great power in my heart. 

The meaning of Anda changes, only slightly - “ultimate bliss.” Anda also means “ready for adventure.”

I am ready!

My transformation was forged by experience. I quench it now with a new name so it will remain strong and ready for adventure.