It’s Okay To Cry

Really, it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to get overwhelmed. It’s okay to let your body process emotion in it’s own way.

I woke up one day and began my stretches just like any other day. However, on this particular morning, I started balling. It was an ugly cry.

I was so confused!

I didn’t feel overly sad or even overwhelmed. I had a couple triggers in the previous days about upcoming appointments and uncertainties of our move, but I thought I processed them.

Apparently not. 

I felt betrayed by my body. I tried to figure out what was wrong. I felt guilt that it was obviously not going to be a day as normal. 

I resisted my tears and my emotions. It only made it worse. I snapped at my daughter and was short with my partner. I felt horrible. 

I was so frustrated. Couldn’t I just accept it and move on already?

Ah. Acceptance is not easy.

I had an expectation that I can keep going on like everything is fine. It will be, but there is still a lot to process. It’s okay if I’m not there yet. 

It’s okay to not be okay.

It’s okay to cry. 

It’s okay to let it out. 

It is okay to feel betrayed by my body and resist my limitations. Believe it or not, this is the first step to acceptance.

Acceptance is the key. If I am fighting my emotions, then I will not find peace.

With a cancer diagnosis, there is a lot to accept. After surgery, there are lots of limitations to accept. Big change means there is a lot going on. This is overwhelming. 

I had mentally checked through all of the boxes. Okay, I do what I can and we make decisions as information becomes available. Moving on.

Right!?!

Acceptance can take a little more than a quick pass. 

Acceptance is receiving something offered. In this case, I can’t give it back. That means I must accept this state of being and do the very best I can with it.

Some days my very best doesn’t feel like enough. Like the day I sat crying on my bedroom floor. 

But it is. I am enough. Because it is okay to cry. 

I want so badly to be back to normal. To be able to bring groceries in from the car, tote a laundry basket upstairs and do a full yoga asana.  But I can’t, not yet. This is HARD to accept. I feel so stuck. 

It’s okay. 

The path will be reveled when the time is right. I can focus on this moment and let go of the expectation. 

Let go and move forward. 

Even if it is only an inch, I am going in the right direction. Even getting stuck in the mud has its own place in the journey. 

Let your body express itself. Envelope yourself with compassion. And remember, it’s okay to cry.