Reflecting - November 10, 2023

I write a lot of positivity into my life, but sometimes I have off days.

Today was statistically very productive; however, I also felt very empty. Not even the drain, or the tired, but something that’s hard to describe. It’s like I can’t quite find my cog in the wheel. I work great in a team, but not always in a hierarchy and there’s a lot of that at my work. I respect it, but I also can have a hard time with doing things that I don’t understand or feel arbitrary. (This is what I thought about while sitting by the river at sunset forest bathing. - Pictures below - I don’t have any answers, they are just thoughts. I listen to my emotions as signals and explore what I am doing and why. Then there’s either change, or acceptance. Sometimes, a mixture of both.)

I feel like I have a lot of purpose. But it’s like there’s still something else not quite flowing. This may be the creativity that I keep organizing, but not really manifesting. It could be an odd transition at work as the weather changes and the routine shifts. I could be just the weather change and my dealing with the cold. It could be so many things, and in reality a little bit of all of them.

I don’t want to stay in this place, but it is important to acknowledge what is coming up for me.

I’m also a little stressed about my car. It developed a little jerk to it. My first thought is low oil, so I added some today and I’ll see what happens tomorrow. It does dampen my desire to go down to Joshua Tree for an Event on my weekend though. Which makes me feel uncertain about that choice to make. I most often play it safe when it comes to risk. I also really want to go. So I’ll see what happens tomorrow.

The best part of my day was the sunrise and the sunset before and after work. That part of me felt complete and satisfied.

Sunrise on the way to Yosemite

After work I went in search of some fall colors. I got a glimpse of the sunset and the South Fork of the Tuolumne River.

Sunset over the Western Mountains

Tuolumne River and Fall Colors

Reflection of Trees

After this trek in the woods, I went and played games with my coworkers. It was a lot of fun.

Even when days are low energy or emotional or feel heavy, there is something beautiful to see if we can only remember to look.

The sky colors were a huge part of my day today. I am so thankful for this magical place where I can figure myself out.

I wonder sometimes if it is worth talking about silly days and moments like this, especially if they aren’t positive. But this is life! I also like to think that by sharing the mindset that helps me cope with things that I experience, maybe it can help someone feel like they are not alone or offer another perspective.

The little moments are the big moments. I have too much in my brain to waste it on only creating big pieces. All the little ones shine bright too.

Sending you positive, reflective energy my friend.