Civilization - November 9, 2023
Yesterday, I blissfully got to stay home. Today, however, I had to go into society to get Cookies Cat a wellness visit at the vet and get groceries for the next couple of weeks.
I left the city disheartened.
I slept until I had to get up. It felt so good to feel the peace of the early morning after a good night’s sleep.
I convinced Cookies Cat to get into his carrier and off we went to the vet in town. Cookies wasn’t very happy with this decision, but it was for his own good, I told him.
We get to the vet and the nice trainee at the desk couldn’t explain the different vaccines they recommended. While in the waiting room a dog sniffs Cookies causing him to react and when we opened the carrier, he had wet himself. I felt so bad for him. He also has been relieving himself outside more than in the litter box. So when I scooped him up to go before he went outside meant he probably had a full bladder going into the situation.
We get out of the doctor’s room three shots later and sit to wait to check out…for ten minutes. I know they are busy, I can hear the phone ring constantly. Still, it feels like I am here and not the priority. I felt the same at the airport in Raliegh when I had to order a coffee from Starbucks on the online app, but they were 40 minutes behind schedule, which meant that half of the orders were for people who didn’t have time to pick up before their flight borded. It’s a tough puzzle of logistics, but sometimes there is a fail and in my opinion it is when the person who is there is not seen or serviced.
This same theme continued while at Wal-Mart. Several things I needed were locked up, including Pedialyte and feminine wipes without anyone to open the cases. So I didn’t get those things. I couldn’t buy the spontaneous boozy egg nog I picked up because I was at a self-register and the two lanes with cashiers had lines. I’m not mad. I do have a hard time with arbitrary barriers. I’m sure there is a purpose, however, it is not well communicated or serviced. If there were people around to help you, it wouldn’t be so bad. Then the people who are there don’t want to tell people how to navigate it. This creates a system that I don’t particularly want to navigate. Wal-Mart is easy, but maybe it would be worth going somewhere else for a better experience.
These are thoughts I have as I come home. Now I’m thinking of my own role as a gatekeeper. I don’t want to be a barrier to the National Parks, I was to be the welcoming committee. It will be interesting how it changes with reservations. Even if we cannot let everyone in, there is a reason. We can still be a service. At least, I hope we can be a positive impact on the people who come here.
It is inevitable that people will sometimes leave disheartened just as I did when I left the city today. There is nothing wrong that happened. I was not personally attacked. Yet I still felt insignificant. My goal in this life is to make people feel appreciated. It may be a dream, but maybe one that others might be interested too.
These are thoughts I had around my experience with civilization today. I was glad to come back to the woods. I tried to create, but didn’t get further than organizing all the pieces. Still, that needs to be done too. It feels good to be back in my space. I enjoy the time I have to rejuvenate and get ready to go back to the gate tomorrow and my weekly routine.
Thankfully, tonight I was able to take time to process my day out. I still have a creative outlet here. I feel good about routines that allow time for energy regulation.
Not everyday is good, but there is good in every day. That is today. It is still a good day.
Sending you love and vibrant energy!
