Meditation - November 15, 2023

Today, I decided to speak instead of write my journal. I’m publishing both the audio and transcript of the recording so you can enjoy it in your preferred style, or both.

Sunset looking westward over fall leaves. Location: Hwy 120 West, just outside of Yosemite National Park, CA.

Today, I sit at my table. Listening to the Rain. Pitter patterning. On the roof. As it slowly gets dark outside a little Earlier than normal. Because the clouds are covering. And if it were colder, it would be snowing. Thankfully, it's not I appreciate the rain. It's very cleansing. And I really feel like I'm cleansing myself.

Today. This weekend and my space. And, Rearranging it setting intentions for what I want to do and work on. I want to write and speak. I want to work on my scrapbooks. And I want to work on my website. I'm really excited about getting an email list going because I really like the interactions I got With people from time to time and I don't mind, just sending something out there that exist.

With the intention. To make you feel a little bit better sometimes. With a positive quote, sometimes with a little Journal challenge. And always with, The knowledge that you are doing. Right, Where You Are. And just being able to sit in that moment and just appreciate. Be grateful. That you're here.

And you can look around and see. What things? Are bugging, you What? Things. You have control to change. Finding small. Ways to make that change. Habitual sustainable. Sometimes it's just changing your mindset. You can't always control. What is going on around you? The weather is a great example of that.

Like there's stuff I need to do outside but that's not happening today and if I try to make it happen, I'm actually going to make myself like Worse. I mean I can handle being uncomfortable when it's necessary, but sometimes it's not necessary. And even in between the rains, I still went outside and I sat down and I took in some fresh air.

And then I kind of came back in and I've been bouncing around. My room. And it's fabulous. Um, and I was thinking I would love to do like a meditation. Like speaking like being in a room of people, I find I do really well in rooms of people. That have energy.

That's why I love being at the gate is most people coming into this place, have some sort of energy, in fact, the ones that don't bogle me, but that's a whole different story. But, I was always really good at and that's actually why I really succeeded in a church atmosphere.

This goes a lot about it is just like, commanding a room. And, I feel like, I do not seek out the spotlight but I do feel like I have something to say and I feel like it's worth being heard even if I'm the only one who cares. It. And so, it's really the sort of Just encouragement.

And acceptance. And to me that's meditation is just taking time looking at these things. Like, when I say meditation, I could be to win all kinds of things. I could be doing yoga, I could be on a walk, I could be on a hike, I could be sitting on my couch staring outside the Window.

I could be on my back in, and out of sleep. Like meditation looks like so many things. Uh, it's really just an idea state of mind. Uh, Ability to pause and reflect. And to breathe into the side meditation allows us to decide and Our choice is our power. So meditation gives us power but because it gives us the ability to Decide make the choice.

And that choice decides where we go from here.

And sometimes. Yeah, I've control over it. Sometimes you don't. Sometimes you have control over how you respond to it. Um, So anyway, I was thinking about this idea of like A group meditation. Um, and I just think about being in a room. With people looking around and going. All right, we're here.

How are you? And everybody would go fine. Fine, good good. And I'd be like, all right? Now that we got the pleasantries out of the way, How? Are you? And you just feel the room. Drop. And really see.

That people aren't always doing, all right? Sometimes we put on this front of everything is okay. And yes, there is a responsibility to not let those things. Disengage your ability to do what you need to do. However, By acknowledging those emotions by acknowledging when things aren't going so well.

We are giving ourselves the power to look at that. What's curiosity, why isn't this going? Well, instead of just trying to fix something that you feel like is going to make you happy. What if we went to? The source. Of. What was making us? Feel so down. Or worn.

These are burdens that we bear. And some are necessary. Um, That's just life. Uh, health is one of those like, Nobody can control. Like what? Ails them. I mean, I know there's some debate about that that can be a whole different story. But going with the idea, That. For the most part, living, the lifestyle that you do.

Or freak, whatever. It just happens. And that we are living the life, the best life that we can live right now. And every chance we get, we're able to learn, we're able to receive a new experience and those experiences aren't always great. Like, being uncomfortable is true growth because you're able to open yourself and consider a new perspective.

Like I think about the muscles in my chest since my surgery in 2020. They're still stiff. Yes, I can go about my daily life. I'm very grateful for that. Um but I'm trying to really figure out how to build up my muscles again, because I do have good job, keeping them stretched out but I'm not building the muscle and the muscle is the uncomfortable.

The muscle, is you have to do this thing over and over again, that kind of hurts. And the more you lean into it, the less is actually going to hurt. But you have to be mindful and not go too far. And so that's the balance and uh, some people are afraid of that.

Some people are afraid of going too far. Some people don't like putting in the effort because the reward might not be enough there. Might just feels like this is just what I need to do. So this is what I do. There's a lot of different mindsets with this and I guess my positivity doesn't come from this happy.

Nothing is going on. My positivity comes from even though there's a stuff going on, I can look around and I'm grateful for where I'm at and who I'm with and what I'm doing and what I am seeing and I just love being in the moment. Surrounded by things that inspire me And inspiring me could be just like a smile or I think about that and remember Adventures, or I see this book and I am kind of like transported to a feeling I had while I read it.

And, That's what I loved it. It feels like comfort to me and so I'm always on this balance of You know enough in too much. Um, of wanting wanting the feeling but not like over surrounding myself. So, I am minimalistic but not in like a traditional or strict sense.

Which is kind of funny. Um, But I feel like things like this, like, standing up in that room going. How are you? Like really matter in a world right now. We're so much. Of our Lack of confidence is not feeling seen. And I just watched The Little Mermaid last night.

The new live-action went. Oh, it is fantastic fabulous. They did such a great job. Like the things that they added are just, they fit and flow so. Well, it really brings out more of the story, more of the reality of of what was going on. And the really deep emotions that we were feeling and And it's just so well done.

All of the. Special effects were really good like the whole thing. It literally made me cry. And I haven't been doing that a lot lately, and so, it really felt good to have this moment of release. I'm just like I just want to be seen. I just want to be heard like And that's okay.

And sometimes we expect people to be the ones that see and hear us and sometimes We have to remember that. It goes both ways and I've been saying that in so many different areas of my life and the beauty is is if one person Continues to do it and its reciprocated.

It's so beautiful. The people that I am most in contact with are the people who are just asking, hey, how are you? Because that's my favorite question to ask. How are you? So first thing I say to people. Hello, how are you today? The response gives me a lot about what's going on and it allows me to serve them.

Uh, where they are and I think that's so important is just being Being able to just be where people are like everyone comes at you in a different thing. Hell, you're in a different thing all the time and you just go and you interact with these people and sometimes it goes well and sometimes it goes poorly and sometimes if you look at how you're coming at the interaction, you can really see what energy you receiving back.

And that's just one of the things I've really been focusing on. And I find I have very Positive interactions with people. And, Being able to just sit in silence or hold space. Or. Like, Take the time to respond and not just react. I feel like that really is. A form of Enlightenment.

That is sustainable through meditation. Because you're giving your space. You're giving yourself space, you you take time to listen to what's going on in your head. Yes, we all have these like Foster. Those, that's our conscience. Like, paying your conscience. Be your guide, Pinocchio is next. Like it's this kind of Like internal reminder, this voice inside.

And it's just telling you, What?

I don't know. It gives you a signal a direction. Idea, curiosity, be curious. Let's judgmental more curious. What Is this, why is this here? What is this telling me? And, It's just constant reframing. I mean, geez. I've been through hell and back. I mean, it's fine. I'm fine. Everything's fine.

I'm here. I have so much wisdom. I am learning, what makes me me? Uh, separated from Everyone else. And it's really interesting how much we internalize about the people were around. Um, And that's why it's so important to surround yourself with good people. That's why I like being in the air as I am.

Usually the people who come out here. Usually pretty good. If somebody's hiding something nobody wants anything to do with them, But, If you're good. People are good. I don't know. I just see all the ways that we're connected and it just makes me so happy. So, I guess that's my little meditation talk for.

I love it, though. I mean, how are you? I want to know I'm doing. All right, I'm having a lot of processing this week. It's just this thing. It's a transition. It's coming into my own, it's finding out what I want. And what I want to do, what I want to focus on and Deciding those things means like, where am I going to put my energy for this season?

Well, I need to Entirely turn inward. I want to really be reflecting and writing and speaking and putting it out there and having conversations which is why I want to know how you are. Um, I can already think of people, I want to connect with for different things and I just I'm kind of sending that out there.

Like, we are all connected and I love having conversations with people. Who. Enjoy and open-minded conversation about different topics and I just want to create a safe space for people can just talk about things. Even if we don't agree, we can be like, hey, this is what I see.

And and this is why I have a hard time with. And the other person can be like, hey, this is what I see. And I have hard time with this and sometimes there's the same things, sometimes we just have such different experiences that we're bringing different things to the table and we can just learn from each other.

And, It can be so beautiful. And I guess that's why I want to create and it's sort of idealistic and I understand that which is why it's important to put boundaries around things, which is why I want to create the safe space on my website. So one of the ways I want to do this is I'm a writer and one of the things I write is long form, fiction novels.

Well, the problem is, is it takes a long time. There's a lot of iteration and it's, you know, it's like a long-term project, it's not something that's just going to happen overnight, like a short story would. So I want to really publish more. Like I want to actively like get words out there and get them seen.

This is what I do. This is what I believe then. How does this make you feel? Like what what can we learn from this? What can we learn from each other? And

I want to do my part in it, but I want to invite other people. It's a collaborate. And so, Um, I want to do that on. My balance entry press website. My publishing company. That's like what I want to do is to publish works. And so, I want to publish my next novels lavender Bliss but it's just I have a hard time getting motivated right on it because there's so many other things going on.

So I like this idea of just being able to share my process of writing a book which really does take a couple of years. Like you're not going to see this thing fully and print until probably 2025. But,

It's still worth it to do it or it's not going to be 2025 if I had started at the beginning of the summer, like I originally thought it would be 2024. Well, I haven't gotten that far. So, by creating this thing by sharing it by opening conversation, Maybe it'll move it forward and so I want it to be a buy-in because it does kind of take time away from what I'm doing to create this.

And so it becomes a transaction just like the website fees and stuff are just realities. And if I do it the way I want it to do it, it's going to cost more. So I'm going to do it a different way to kind of cut the corner cut across.

Convenient but unnecessary to accomplish what I want to accomplish and so. Oh, excuse me. So that's one of the things that I'm trying to Focus on. And how to make that reality because right now, I just keep thinking about I'm not actually doing it. In fact, I'm doing that right now, but This is also what motivates me to go over to my computer and work.

As knowing what I'm actually doing. So by talking about it, And seeing if this is something that people would be interested in. Makes me feel good. So how are you? What do you think about this idea of an online community where we can come together and talk about literature and art?

And You know, social expectations And, Gender roles, we can talk about all kinds of things and we can do it through books and we can do it through art. We know authors, we know, Um, Artist, we know. So many beautiful people that I wish we could bring to one table.

So I guess that's what I'm offering. Um, Come set at the table with me. I like that. Something about at the table. Set at the table. Too many words. Okay, give me thoughts. I'm gonna go right. I love you. Sending you. So much love. Fiber energy. Peace Joy. Ah, okay.

I love you. Bye.